Schiedam Festival 2003
Report & Photo Gallery

Late May

Schiedam, Holland

Report / Photos 1 / Photos 2

Tour Report

Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday

Lets go to Flatland said Gareth one day. So we did. That's how we ended up in Schiedam in early June with 24 litres of cider and 8 litres of blackcurrant. And a goldfish.

It was in the hallowed Cambridge Students' Union bar where the final preparations were made for the epic tour; i.e. we all got drunk and shandy's number was first out of the hat to babysit the fish to Holland, no hint of cheating there then! <<<

----- Friday -----

The first day was fairly uneventful until after a litre bottle of vodka on the boat. With Gareth feeling somewhat queasy we retired to the roulette table where the wisdom of Moby inspired international green grocer Shandy to win a fortune. After the train to Rotterdam, where we met up with Chris Ek and Fat Ruud, it was a mere hop skip and jump to Schiedam. With tents pitched, bellies full of pizza and watering cans full of snakebite and black got down to some serious drinking games, while enticing over some nubile dutch girls to join the fray. Not much can be said about the rest of the night as my memory goes when I am drunk, (surely the wrong choice to write a tour report), but James doing the caterpillar on the sodden floor just can't be forgotten. <<<

----- Saturday -----

The next day came with blistering sunshine and pounding headaches. During the previous evenings festivities we had lost the fish's food, water purifier and most importantly the watering can. So Gonzo, Fat Ruud and Fat Harry Potter were sent to find said items. They came back with a watering can, five spliffs and another fish!

As for the hockey there were no real surprises. We won some, we lost some. Chris Ek, Scott and Ross ran the show, Ali and James cleared up the mistakes. Gareth couldn't score for toffee - a tour tradition, and Jon 'one trick' Kirby did some step overs. The only surprise was that Shandy has dispensed with his 'if in doubt, give it a clout' technique and acquired reasonable skill! All too soon the hockey was over and we got down to some serious drinking. There was some crazy funnel action which resulted in all 24 litres of cider being finished. We'd only been there a day and a half. So we turned to warm Heineken. Nice. Then tragedy happened as the dutch fish who was faking death went nuts after Scott placed him in his beer. Despite returning him to a more natural habitat the fish copped it and as tour rules state he who is responsible for a fish death must eat the fish. So Scott dutifully drank his fish loaded beer without a second thought. Again I can't elaborate on the evening, as I was stricken down with a pale sickness and was in bed by 8.30. <<<

----- Sunday -----

Day 3 began with rather less enthusiastic hockey. Beating a shit german team was a good laugh despite them throwing away chris ek's stick. The dutch girls supported us when we played and we duly returned the favour. The most bizarre moment was three dutch blokes all shitting on a tray. Most worrying was when we saw them serving the food and drinks later that night. Is there poop in the sauce? Ross's dutch was improving with the careful tutelage of Jo and Anouk, pity about his funnel efforts. The welcome appearance of Reinout and Joost gave added value to the drinking games. <<<

----- Monday -----

After packing up the tents on the last day of tour, we presented Moby the goldfish to the Schiedam club as a thankyou for the tour. And because we couldn't legally take it back to old Blighty. Then we headed to Rotterdam and to Chris and Robins house. After a shower & shit we headed to an all you can eat Chinese restaurant before settling in a bar by a canal. Then one by one all the old uni dutchies turned up teaching a new drinking game in which everything involved Gareth's mum. After the dutchies departed we were left to get turned away from every bar due to being a large group. After finally finding a bar to drink in, and burning Ruuds fingers with Jackie Chan matchstick chopping we got a kebab, just like England.

Thanks to Chris Ek for organising the dutch side of the tour. All who went enjoyed themselves.

Cheers to Will D, Will B, Joost, Reinout, Lucas, Robin, Ruud, Will CCHC, Chris, Gareth, Jon, James, Ali, Scott, Ross and Shandy.

Next years tour is currently being arranged so keep late May free. <<<

Gareth Norris
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