Folkestone 2004
Easter Festival Tour
Report & Photo Gallery

09 - 12 April

Folkestone Mixed Festival
The Pavillion, County Ground
Cheriton Road,
Folkestone, Kent
CT19 5JU

Report / Photos 1 / Photos 2 / Photos 3

Tour Report

Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday

All hardened festival goers this year, our mixed team was made up by:

Men: Sir Captain Si Riley, Aidan and Brian Brock, James Chubby Camel Kirby, Private Camel Kirby, Fat Harry Potter Potato Boy Norris, Scott McArdell and Ross McArdell.

Ladies: Tilly Amy Tilly, Yeng Pingers Ng, PC Melanie , Hannah Browster, Cat Dwyer, Victoria H, Vix Stretfield and Marie Smith.

Many thanks to honorary Hornets Vix and Marie who stood in last minute for Mr Andy Pants. <<<

----- Friday -----

The Hornets set off in varying states of sobriety on the Friday morning from their homes throughout the south but quite incredibly were congregated, festival wrist bands in place, with time to spare before the first game at 11.10. And thanks to the fine standard of organisation by Mr Riley were soon ready to fight on a questionable grass pitch.

1110 Anglia Hornets vs. Tenors (Outlanders) W6-2 Ross (1) Tilly (2) Cat (1) Scott (1) Yeng (1)
What a start. It was the only game during the weekend where anyone was in any state to actually play hockey - and we needn't have bothered. The game was relaxed and peppered with silky skills. From the start the two pairs of brothers casually wove their way amongst the apparently drunk opposition who gave away penalty corners one after the other.

The Outlanders (Tenors this year) seemed determined to be this years winner of the most social team by making as much noise as possible including continually blowing the whistle down a megaphone. They had an enthusiastic array of props with which to annoy us including water to give Melanie a soaking just before half time.

The first goal was chipped hard into the net by Ross McArdell, simple and effective. Next it was Tilly's turn to attack down the right scoring twice within a few minutes. With her second goal she managed to trick the goalie away from the sticks and finish with a stunning reverse flick over a number of defenders. Another silky McArdell smack, this time from Scott, off a precise set up from Jon across the D put the score to 4-0 at half time.

Only a minute into the second half we rather lost attention and the opposition managed to score. But then Cat swept down the left wing and scored in retaliation to prove she wasn't just messing about! Towards the end of the game all possession was concentrated to the Hornets once more, and we finally squeezed in a 6th goal when Yeng tapped in Ross' hit that was possibly just bearing wide.

Having not yet checked in we all headed back to our cars and drove the half a mile down the road to Linda and Brian's Sunny Lodge Guest House, a castle in comparison with the tented dwellings we usually tolerate. Aido, Norris and Scott were immediately assigned to the same room for snoring convictions, although Gareth did not know this yet as he wasn't sue till that evening. But the boys made sure his bed was comfortable with help from Mickey the resident Boxer dog.

"You'll peak too early" were the words of advice we gave the Outlanders on retiring from the pitch that morning. Perhaps we should have listened to our own advice. After leaving the cars at the B&B we followed the snaky b vapour to the warmth of the club house. Our next game was not until 5pm so there was plenty of time for games and refreshments. We played so eagerly that come three o'clock that afternoon there is little to report from any party. The dice game dominated during which Scott was permanently in jail and as a side Vix continually tried to drown the Queen with her notable netball skills. An eight year old by-stander was so impressed with our adult behaviour that he decided to show us how to burp on demand for the rest of the afternoon. Of course we were so taken by this that we tried to adopt him immediately.

1700 Anglia Hornets vs. Techo All Sorts L2-4 Jon (1) Vix (1) I can tell you very little about this game other than we had great difficulty remembering it. I do know that we played incredibly badly as no one could see the ball. Yeng was unconscious on the grass after being sick (though it is important to note that Tilly beat her to it) and Victoria H employed a couple of Outlanders to play as women.

Perhaps we peaked too early, but it didn't end there by any means. Norris finally turned up - the fool dressed in white - and was turned purple straight away. We played some I Have Never and a few other games. Yeng was soon up dancing and on the wander. The club house was incredibly busy and full of very tall people, but there was plenty of dancing, I think. Jon and Victoria H got left behind and had to wake Brian in order to get into the guest house, and very nice his vest was too. <<<

----- Saturday -----

After a hearty fry up and a viewing of the Lion King - we left Tilly in her sick bed and headed back to face the wind and rain that had arrived during the night.

1110 Anglia Hornets vs. Edgehogs W2-0 Scott (1) Norris (1) Our first game in the freezing misery was against the immaculately turned out Edgebaston HC on the astro. Once again Si gallantly reffed and Aido was our exceptional goalie.

Yeng boldly defended the left with some impressive tackling, while Vix also had a great game for as long as she managed to stay on her feet! As always Scott played forward, midfield and in defence keeping the ball in our possession with the help of his talented brother and the two camels. In fact the first goal was a McArdell double act with Scott firing the final blow.

Surprisingly Gareth scored the second goal despite his continual and predictable fruitless labour in the D with the famous reverse backhand 'trick'. That said, with Spud's help we ended at a pleasing two nil victory.

We couldn't get back to the clubhouse quick enough, both in order to dry out and top up our levels of purple. Although it was taking us a while to regain the full elated state of tour, we soon perked up when our new eight year old friend reappeared. It turned out his name was Elliot and he had been asked by his father to behave a little more politely than the day before. But he was soon burping away, sparing with Jon and sitting on our laps whilst learning how to sink a Queen.

What with his appropriately coloured yellow and dark blue hoody it seemed obvious to ask him if he would like to play in our next game.

1500 Anglia Hornets vs. Movie Stars L1-2 Elliot (1) So we played an eight year old as our CF quite tactically as it turns out. The opposition were naturally gentle and gladly kind natured meaning Elliot had scored in the first ten minutes. But that is about as good as it got.

In our defence the pitch was terrible. Ross had a blinding game, attacking well and gaining territory. Melanie also played brilliantly on the right wing with some great crosses into the D. Also Gareth was notably improved in defence, but despite it all, the Movie Stars had clearly had more sleep than us and were just that crucial step ahead for the whole hour.

A pattern forming in the contrast between our early and late games, we headed back to the bar to do what the Hornets did best. With a large table to ourselves, it wasn't long before the team shirts were looking decidedly soggy and purple and faces a decent shade of cork ash. A game that combined 'Hello John' with 'Ibble Dibble' meant an early state of inebriation, which in turn ensured decorated faces all round.

As is rather traditional for the Hornets, we played a little of 'Who stole the Cookies' just for pure volume, but were too good as always and got bored easily. A few rounds of 7's and One Frog later, the inevitable spraying of purple began - we were surprised around this point to notice that Brian had not yet joined us for the evening. We checked the time and (as Marie guessed to the very minute) it was 36 minutes past 10, well past Aido's bedtime. A chant ensued. "Aido's Rubbish - We Want Brain" was heard throughout the clubhouse for quite some time until Jon was sent to the bar and ordered. "1 pint of Brian please".

All seemed quiet after the gallant draining of this pint. Before long Aido rose to take an innocent leak, only it wasn't Aido. And it wasn't Brian staggering towards the loos. Out of nowhere Dave, Brian's evil twin, flung Aido head-first at the door and into a state of involuntary sleep (snoring and all) for well over an hour. Not quite what we had in mind, but PC was on hand with her paramedic skills. And so it was decided that the Hornets should let Brian occur naturally in future.

Now without Aido or Brian, the night continued with plenty of dancing, falling and kabab eating. The B&B rooms were decorated with a lot of the food we purchased on the way home, and I believe there was second showing of The Lion King. <<<

----- Sunday -----

Apparently there was breakfast and smell though they did, (showers made no difference once the shirts were back on) the Hornets were soon back at the club and ready for the next game. I won't pretend that I can remember as much from here on in!

1110 Anglia Hornets vs. Margo's Landing W3-0 Jon (1) James (1) Tilly (1) Unsurprisingly this game consisted of a lot of slow motion hockey, and even more fannying about. The opposition were unhelpfully in yellow and way too enthusiastic for that time on a Sunday morning. They were a mixed age club who had clearly not come for the drinking, but luckily for us they were keen to sub on and off a lot of their cocky youngsters, which rather gave us the edge.

Despite some questionable reffing against us we weren't all as terrible as I remember feeling. The first two goals from the Kirby brothers were of the 'no messing' variety, James' was smacked expertly from the edge of the D straight into the corner of the goal. Tilly had a blinder - with her 'eyes in' there was no stopping the girl and she almost single handedly took on an aggressive defence to score her notable third goal of the tournament and the third and final goal in that game.

So another fine start to the day. Sunday was the day of the men's festival game so we all took up a spot on the beautiful terraced seating that surrounds the Pavilion Club's main pitch. It felt like we were there for days after watching the mowing and fencing of the pitch, followed by the arrival of the town mayor. The mayor was ambushed by a particularly overenthusiastic all women team and courageously played along with their drinking game before posing for the local paper.

1500 Anglia Hornets vs. War and Peace L1-2 Scott (1) Well - I would say we tried, but we didn't really. Actually Scott would tell you all about his right hand corner blinder from the edge of the D, but I'm afraid I missed that. Aido was in goal doing sterling work as always and Si was reffing. It was a drunken and rough game with far too many players on the opposition. Perhaps the men felt they should play in role in their camouflaged 'war' kit.

We were a little concerned about wee Elliot who was up at the front for some of the game, but Vix kept her motherly eye on him. Battling the cold, Yeng spent the game in the kit bag while her Bath City team mates played well against some fairly questionable tackling from the girls in pink. Cat tore up and down the wing to no avail and there were the usual casual skills of the Kirbys, but it was just too late in the day for that final push and it was another afternoon loose.

Back in the clubhouse - where we were all naturally drawn, things were fairly quiet. I wouldn't know as being a Hornet I have never been home to change and shower, but we can only assume that is what happens during this mysterious lull. But the quiet did not stretch to our table, and despite the deserter attitude of the Kirbyites on this fine late afternoon, we managed to shake the building with endless rounds of the fruit and dice game. Mr Riley nearly exploded listening to Marie turn northern when she said Kumquat Kumquat so we had to stop. I'm not too sure what Melanie's PC Sam thought of us all but he wasn't to keen on the drinking beer side of the games. We decided not to jettison the boys when they returned - they had been drinking snakey b after all, and had done a fine job on Ross who I am certain must have polished off the whole jerry can. We soon all got involved in an excellent round of Yogi Bear for which there should be awards given! And plenty Ibble Dibble was played resulting in more black faces.

The rest of the teams soon arrived in the club house in the theme for that night, which was apparently 'school uniform' - but I have to admit (much to the boys pleasure) you could have easily mistaken it for 'red light district' or 'spice girls r us'. It wasn't long before we all (save two) left the table and were doing some wonderfully over enthusiastic dancing and 'piling on' (sorry Tills) much to the irritation of all the other teams in the very small space - but it was the last night after all.

And the next thing I knew we were back in the B&B (although I do remember involuntarily lying in a beautifully nurtured bed of tulips with Cat at some point). The boys were still obsessively playing 7's on the floor while the rest of us decided we should watch the Lion King again, just in case we missed any. Another layer of crisps, bread, cheese and cream egg was added to the beds and carpets, and there was a degree of water fighting and the necessary changing of clothes. <<<

----- Monday -----

It was a very sad morning. We all traipsed downstairs in dregs to make the most of our last breakfast and attempted to clear up some of the mess. I borrowed a hoover, seeing as our room seemed to have taken the worst beating, and Brian the owner was sure I had obsessive compulsive disorder like his daughter - nice! We all said goodbye to Linda, Brian and Mickey and drove back down to the club for our final game feeling less than perky, but under beautiful blue skies.

Some time the next day Anglia Hornets vs. Purple Nasties L0-1 In the beautiful sunshine, shielding Scott from the rays as best we could, we played an equally laid back and friendly team. At least this is what we thought as we missed about 25 shots at goal one after the other. Cat tried, Tilly tried, James tried and Jon set up a blinder of a shot off Ross' stick - but it missed.

But we must have been wrong as they just had the edge and scored against us. Perhaps this is because they had Norris and Melanie playing for them? Aido reffed and Pingers did a fine job in goal, with little Elliot up front again, calling 'Open' over and over but to no avail. The brothers played around with some impressive aerials, and there were plenty of fine tackles and pitch-length whacks form Si.

It was a frustrating end to the games, but there was no surprise when the final score was 0-1 and it somehow didn't matters versus a friendly opposition.

We weren't used to a bank holiday tour ending so early, so we went and hovered outside the nearest Brewsters until it opened and fed us our 'last supper' - everyone knackered, gormless and a little sad for the weekend to be over.

Some of the hornets tried to stretch the experience out by going bowling nearby, Norris unable to disguise his competitiveness. It was great to delay the return to normal life, but a word of advice from our experiences - the traffic wardens in Ashford are bitter and callous bastards.

A very successful return to Folkestone but no silverware (or potteryware!) - Thanks to all those who took part & congratulations on the results. <<<

Victoria H
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