Bournemouth 2000
Easter Festival Tour
Report & Photo Gallery

20th - 24th April

Bournemouth Sports Club
Chapel Gate, East Parley,
Christchurch, Dorset BH23 6BD
Tel: 01202 581933 Fax: 01202 581933

Report / Photos 1 / Photos 2 / Photos 3 / Photos 4

Tour Report

Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday

This years Bournemouth Festival was one of the best ever, with more teams than usual or more beer than you could shake a stick at. Good to see some old faces and glad that the promised dismal weather never really materialised.

Many new teams came and some of the old faces were still hanging around. Thankfully the Legendary Clive was there for us to pay homage to. Most teams entered into the spirit of the tournament but some just had to take it too seriously, while others were there in name only. Suffice to say that the Hornets were up for anything and in partying in everyone's face for the whole weekend!!

----- Thursday -----

Departure was set for noon sharp on the Thursday morning and it was nearly kept to. There was the odd hiccup... Gareth Hodges wimps out of Tour with some pathetic excuse about having too much work to do - on reflection everyone else thought this excuse was crap as well!

Having finally left there was a quick discussion which resulted in letting Oli go the long way in the minibus while everyone else would take the short-cut that he didn't like. No surprise that everybody managed to beat Oli to Bournemouth by a minimum of 3hrs!! In fact Joe Panter got there by 1pm put up his tent and got bored and lonely waiting!

Our team was very much an international affair, this year, with Sabine Lachtrop representing the German Fatherland and Willem Dijckmeester offering to be responsible for the Dutch contingent of 5. Obviously as such they had to confer very closely over a number of matters!!!

Of course there were late arrivals but Andy Potapa was let off because he brought the team luck in the guise on Ryan 'Princess Hornet' Matthews!! While there are many taboos which the Hornets rely upon to bring them luck - one of the more common ones was Becks Law waving her naked arse around... this year she probably got it sunburnt it was out so much!

And no Tour could have begun without the official big piss-up... the only problem was that it didn't stop until Monday morning!! <<<

----- Friday -----

The thing about the games is that while we played quite a few no-one really managed to remember what happened in them! One thing was sure though, with the exception of Gary Ward and the Horn-ettes, no-one could care less what the results were!

By some fluke (or a wonder strike by hardcase Esther van Voorst) the girls team made it into the 1/4 finals. It was very much a team effort... although the guys decided that it was a disgusting effort and sloped of to the bar to take that more seriously, as they had been knocked out earlier.

Only by a disgustingly poor piece of umpiring (Mark Jones) and the fact that the opposition were basically better and more bothered did the last remaining Hornets team exit the 'serious' competitions - not before time either.

Various other highlights during the day included Shandy Hurst lifting up James Kirby in the marquee only to decide he was too heavy and drop on his head - trip 1 to the Casualty.

Ginny Garton is obviously very much of a family girl as she managed to hunt down her cousin who was on Tour with another team! Still at least she managed to win the award for the most ridiculously large and inappropriate camera to take on Tour.

The 'Most Amusing Thing To Happen On Tour' award was split this year between (1) Edge Hill Carpentry College - yes, there really is an academic institution dedicated to the pursuit of carpentry, welcome back to the middle ages! & (2) Ryan 'Princess' Matthew's kit which can only be described as the gayest, bright pink concoction ever created... looked nice on the fireman though! <<<

----- Saturday -----

While it is difficult to keep this in order (and you're lucky if the bloody days are right here) Saturday gave us Casualty trip 2 - John Kirby decided to later in the evening push Gareth Norris out of the marquee. He then chose to land on a bottle which shattered into his leg. Casualty were obvious confused having attended to John's twin the night before... so confused in fact that they gave the last bed to John rather than the injured Mr Norris.

It was nearly casualty trip number three as Sam Egger seemed to be having some trouble with things stuck to her face... but after closer inspection everyone realised she had the situation firmly under control.

Events during the day saw the Hornets play Shandy in goal... this strangely contributed to the team getting completely thrashed. Although there were rumors that Will Bosman had passed at some point during the match, that myth was dispelled along with the rumours that Catherine Dwyer had spoken and Anne Lugtmeijer(?!?) had learnt some words of English... both of which were clearly untrue.

Oli was found to be missing. It transpired that he had gone to town (McDonald's trip 4 that day for him) and he was the best part of £30 down in the arcades - a feat he manages to perform again the next day.

Esther gains the nickname 'van chop' as she chooses to only tackle people's sticks or above their knees... well the Dutch are famed for getting stroppy about their sport - must be all the disappointment they have to put up with, take Euro '96 for instance...

Joost Kerckhaert also nearly came to a sticky end when Will Bosman tries to use one of his arms as a Hockey stick by mistake... if he wasn't so white and skinny, it wouldn't happen!! In addition to this all the marker pens had to be confiscated as little ExtraKate Read kept drawing on herself... a very bad habit. Mind you she does come a joint first (with Sam Egger) for the best 'Tour Display' of a fresher. <<<

----- Sunday -----

In an attempt to even up the sides in the morning game Mark Jones swapped to play for the pink-wearing opposition team - Barts. In an uncharacteristic display he scored a hat-trick... although, to be fair, Julie Winford was in goal and he did lob her - not hard considering what a shrimp she is. The after match celebrations resulted in the most pathetic attempt ever displayed at drinking from a funnel. The only mitigating cirumstances were that the funnel contained a mix of Stella, Boddingtons & Port.

The Golden Spice Boys whose rather pathetic (in comparison!) webpage can be found on were also wandering around making everyone drink from funnels and wear glitter. Last years champions this years runners-up! We dispatched two agents to keep an eye on them: ComplicCate Lyall and Catherine Dwyer... Cate took her role very seriously indeed - it almost became an obsession!

In the evening someone, who couldn't be arsed to dance, drove their car in marquee. After the initial surprise everybody climbed up on it and started dancing. The car soon left - although very dented and without much of its paintwork!

At this point is was decided that the evening would be dedicated to the funnel. Suzy Abbott seemed to rather enjoy these proceedings as it became very difficult to get the tube out of her mouth. Other star drinkers included Tom Younger who managed nine funnels... his star performance only marred by the fact he was wearing most of it... now top scorer (goals) two years running can't be bad! Also Dougal Davis acquired the nickname of 'Moses' on this evening an explanation of which is not available for public consumption. <<<

----- Monday -----

Monday morning came around... unfortunately, so did someone with the intention of stealing car wheels. At least they only stole four! The ensuing detective work resulted in the finger being pointed at all team members with Liverpool connections. Rumours were that it was an old team called the 'leg-whos?'... never heard of 'em! Although excuses were accepted... the wheels replaced and the tents packed away.

Well, at least some of the tents were packed away, one was just burnt! Mind you, it leaked so much it was surprising that it was dry enough to burn.

One concern was Lorna Watson having had a very 'active' tour it appears that she was lost on the way home... not to worry though surely someone would have picked her up!

The return to Cambridge meant the end of Tour piss-up. Nicknames were changed for the few who had earned better ones and many beers were sunk before shooting off to the Fez Club. In true Hornets style, Victoria H and Joost Kerckhaert got thrown out for chasing each other around and having beer fights. It is always very difficult to adjust to real life after tour. <<<

Well that's Bournemouth over for another year. Obviously, we'll all be back next year but in the meantime there's other Tours to plan and more beers to drink!

The Tour Correspondent - Report 29/04/00
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