Bath Festival 2003
Report & Photo Gallery

01 - 03 August

Bath Mixed Festival
Bath Buccanneers Hockey Club
C/o University of Bath,

Report / Photo 1 / Photo 2 / Photo 3 / Photo 4 / Photo 5 / Photo 6 / Photo 7

Tour Report

Friday / Saturday / Sunday

Second time around for the Hornets at the Bath tour and expectations were high. It was time to re-educate the other touring teams to what proper touring was all about. Everyone had been looking forward to this since the Easter tour to Folkestone and it was time to party!

So the squad for the Bath 2003 tour was as follows: Andy Rogers (GK), MJ, Gareth, Jon, Simon Riley, Aidan, Snowy, Melanie , Yeng, Hannah Browster, Catherine, Victoria H, Mel Clark, & Aimee Tilley. Just one debutant for this outing - Aimee Tilley - who, despite sounding like a cat, proved herself a welcome addition to the squad. <<<

----- Friday -----

For this year's Bath Tour the whole team had planned to arrive on the Friday night and tucking into some serious drinks and party games. The meet was to be around 3pm in Bath at The Poultney Arms - where the evening's tour event had been organised. MJ, Simon, Pants, Yeng & Hannah all arrived at the pub only to find that it was closed! Not to be deterred it was off to another pub - The Boater - to wait for it to open. Throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening people started to arrive and collect their keys for the rooms. one of the best things about the Bath Tour is the accommodation, no camping on this tour as everyone gets to stay on campus, a short walk away from the pitches in the Halls of Residences on the campus.

Once everyone had arrived it was time to launch into the drinking games and by this time we had adjourned back to The Poultney Arms but not before having sneaked in a cheeky kebab. Late arrival for the Hornets was WPC in training. Melanie , apparently she was late due to bulling her boots (posh police word for cleaning), buffing her buttons and primping her epaulettes. Just for a bizarre change as well. everyone had their hair sprayed pink. There was a very good reason for this. apparently! After the usual drinking games, where it was noted that the whole team is getting too bloody good at 'Cookies', the Hornets were asked to move back inside the pub so as not to disturb the local residents. that seemed a strange request. until the singing started. The next hour got very messy while the whole pub started singing 'Chicago' (not the musical) and 'Yogi Bear' plus the odd bundle and thrown pint! Inevitably Lee Snowden managed to get himself in trouble for accidentally pissing on somebody in the toilet. maybe he's had some Potty training!?!? With that all done it was time to go back to for more drinking games at the Halls of Residences. <<<

----- Saturday -----

Up early for breakfast or at least that was the plan. Matches were to start at 10am and there's no point in playing on an empty stomach. Having finally found the café for breakfast, after a slight detour to the wrong place, the Hornets emptied it! They only had 5 bacon rolls and that wouldn't even feed Riley or Norris alone! Much of the day was spent playing a rather irritating electronic game called 'Bop it'. rather like a slightly more sophisticated version of 'Simon Says' in fact this game was so popular with Melanie Clark that in between that and her mobile phone she had little time to play hockey!

And so it was time for the first game of the tour. This was the game that would set the scene for the whole tour. Well it did go well but it wasn't quite the way the rest of the games went. Hornets vs Usual Suspects W1-0 (Norris). A good start that was played as a team game and crowned by an exceptionally spawny goal by our resident tubby goalhanger. Still high on victory we started packing in the beers while it started to get even hotter - both these factors may have affected the remaining results!

Every tour has a team full of wankers playing in it and this was no exception and it also happened to be the same team that where a bunch of shitheads the year before! 3M vs Hornets L0-3. Unsurprisingly, the Hornets were beaten by a team made up almost exclusively of national League players. Sadly, though, they needed to be shitty and bolshi while doing it. still maybe it was the fact they only managed to get the three goals that caused them all the mental anguish. That said, it was good that Andy Pants got his rubbish tour nutmeg out of the way in a game that wouldn't make any difference! Its always a shame to have teams like this on tour as there is no point in being like that. there is nothing to win apart from a sportsmanship trophy - which will forever elude them - and all they do is alienate the other teams with their insidious self-worship!!! Oh well, maybe they'll not bother next year!

Only a half hour break and it was back on the pitch. Another astro game and by this time the sun was very high in the sky and it was seriously getting hot! Ooops, despite some resolute defending from Yeng & Aidan we managed to contrive to lose this match. A good-natured game but perhaps there was still a bit of a hangover from the previous game against 3M. Beauties & Beasts vs Hornets L0-2. Still Catherine played very strongly and set up a few chances for Gareth & Simon to spurn and Victoria H dispossessed their best player twice down the left. Aimee Tilley also had numerous chances up front but failed to convert. she did manage to win a few short corners but the Hornets short corner routine on grass is slightly less than devastating!

The Paddlers vs Hornets W0-1 (PC ). A brilliant diving save down in the bottom corner of the goal from Andy helped us secure a win against the Paddlers. The pseudo-filth (WPC in training) up front managed to scrape a goal against the run of play and helped up pick up all the points. Once again Mel Clark proving that her hockey skills are perfectly poised for a grass game. Also some brilliant defending - and wandering - by Hannah helped in the build up to this goal.

This was where it all came together - the training, the tactics, the pre-match briefing and the desire. It was total hockey and beautiful to watch. The doctor prescribed a lesson in hockey and the Hornets were the teachers while the LSA's reluctantly had to take their medicine! Hornets vs Leo Sayer Alldayers W2-0 (Norris, Riley pf). After a dodgy foot save on the line a penalty flick was awarded. Immediately Simon Riley was as ked to step up to take responsibility. after a few pf issues during the last season with Tulse Hill this was a chance to do a little ghostbusting. GOAL!!! Perfect flick taken well and leaving the hapless goalie with as much hope as Bob staying in the living world. The rest of the game was like a training ground routine - one touch passing and total control. All that remained was for Gareth to add a trademark reverse-low-backhand to make it 2-0. It was trademark because it was rubbish. a miss hit bobbling weak shot totally fooled the keeper to weakly trickle into the backboard. Job done, game won. bar open!

Last game of the day was against Sunday Battersea Mixed League regulars. Sadly, this was another game that had a few arseholes in the opposition and being on grass it was also getting quite dangerous. Some very poor umpiring started to take its toll and even compelled Aidan to 'have words' with the umpire. London Edwardians vs Hornets L2-1 (Norris). A game we really should have won but just didn't quite manage it. although Gareth, Jon, MJ & Melanie very nearly got a hat full of goals - it just wasn't meant to be. Still both Yeng & Hannah, with a little help from Aidan, did their best to defend against the constant attacks.

With the hockey over it was time to prepare for the evening's drinking. As usual there was a complete aversion to bothering with fancy dress and tour shirts were donned again! For the intrepid few there was some face painting but some spoilsports wouldn't play along! As soon as everyone got hold of a beer or a Pimms (who let all the posh nobbers in?) it was time to kick-start the drinking games. Highlights of the evening included 21's which ended up getting very complicated with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8 getting changed to 'to my left', 'lick my', 'boobs', 'raspberry', 7, 8 & 7. or something like that. The red bus game was introduced for the first time but seemed to be a bit cerebral for some of the Hornets. Best game of the night had to be the 'Supermarket game'. Each person in turn goes to the supermarket to buy an item then the next person buys an item and the pervious person's item etc. but each following item must start with the next letter of the alphabet. Apart from the serious amount of alcohol consumed the following items were purchased: An Anaconda, a Bottle of Pimms, A Coughing Cockatoo Crapping, A Didgeridoo, An Eskimo, A Fish, Gigging Giggling Girls, an Happy-go-lucky Happy Sack, an Igloo, Jumping Jellyfish, a Killer, a Limping leper, Meddling Mothers, Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, an Oscillating Octopus, a Potapa, a Queen Bee fucking a pig, a Regal armpit, a Sausage sucking a salami, Terence Trent D'Arby taking it up the bottom, a Unicorn jumping over the moon, Vibrating Vicki, Wee Willie Winkie wanking off William Wordsworth and Willy Wonka, a Xylophone with 32 keys and an 8 bar minim, a Yahoo! and a Zipedee-do-dah Zipedee-day.

With drinking games all put to one side it was time to adjourn to the 'venue' (yes, that's the real name of it!) for some serious partying with the world's worst DJ. Not entirely sure what his name was but the flyers should have read: DJ "Sorry I Haven't got that!". Still there was purple's on sale and music in the air. what else was needed. The nightclub closed at 1am so it was back to play 'touch the cup' in the kitchen. That game was brought rapidly to a close when the camel shot off to be sick in Victoria H's sink! <<<

----- Sunday -----

Up at a reasonable time but we all forgot Catherine's birthday. shame on us. She had to leave early to play in a Hurling Final (!!!) in London and so she hopped onto a bus down to the station. In all the general confusion and need for food and water the Hornets were late for the first game so it was cancelled. we'll who wants to play at 10.30am on a Sunday anyhow. Some of the opposition were still hanging around the pitch including one very pretty but amazingly dim girl. sadly she seemed to organising them so after about 10mins of a half-hearted attempt at playing everybody gave up and continued on with their drinking.

It was hot enough to fry and egg in the goalmouth. Far too hot to play hockey and a few of the games were sacrificed as a result. Having been scheduled to have four games on the Sunday the Hornets only ended up playing two of them. still there was no complaints as those two were hard enough to get through in that heat.

Pubkins vs Hornets D1-1 (Riley). A breakaway goal in a low quality game. Still Simon knew their goalkeeper and had much fun in accidentally miss hitting it and sending her the wrong way to secure the only goal of the game.

With that draw secured it was time for the showpiece of the festival. The Festival game - a demonstration of skill and quality. Or, more likely a chance for everybody to stop playing, drink and support the nominated members of their team in the festival game. The nominations from the Hornets for the Festival game was Simon Riley & Victoria H, although by the time the game came around the heat had taken its toll on Simon and MJ stepped up to the plate to take over. The idea behind the festival game was for each of the touring sides to choose two players (one girl, one boy) to make up and invitational team to play the best of the Bath Buccaneers. The invitational team ended up winning 3-0 helped on by a bit of one-handed dribbling from MJ but more by a stunning save on the line from a short corner flick.

The next match had to be the worst ever performance by any Hornets side. But in the heat and after all that drinking it is readily excused. Jon Kirby was expertly controlling the midfield but having serious difficulty in releasing the ball. Everyone was generally a bit poo. Hornets vs Random L0-1.

As for winning the 'Team of the festival' award. we weren't even placed!! Still, who cares? Next year we'll concentrate on partying more obviously. actually we wont. next year we'll get bolloxed and do our own thing as usual - and if it is meant to be it is meant to be. The Hornets are leg-endary(!!!) and don't need silverware to prove it. although it would be nice!

Next stop was the Harvester for the end of tour celebratory dinner. After that it was back home to various parts of the country to relax, apply that 'aftersun' and drink lots of water. Next tour is to Stratford-Upon-Avon in September. Victoria H will be organising this one. be careful with her as its her first time! Thanks to everyone who came to Bath and congratulations to all for our three wins and one draw!

As for the results, they speak for themselves:

Team P W D L F A Dif Pts
Hornets 7 3 1 3 6 9 -3 10

Goals: Gareth Norris (3), Simon Riley (2), PC Melanie .

A very successful tour in terms of drinking but we could have done better in terms of results. Still we will be back next year to try again! Especially as we didn't get the 'Team of the Festival' award. We said it last year and we'll say it again this year... next year it will be ours. oh yes, it WILL be ours. Thanks to all those who took part & congratulations on the results. <<<


Bath Tour Gallery

A photo gallery from the Bath Tour 2003.

Bath Tour 2003 team photo
Bath Program & Festival Game Winners Medal
SuperHornet MJ with a tour mask!
Hannah, Tilley, Yeng, Mel, Pants & Camel playing drinking games
Melanie, Tilley, Singles, Hannah & Victoria H
Snowy & Melanie
Catherine & Victoria H

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